Monday, September 3, 2012

Where is My Dad At?

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My Dad has had a rough couple of months...
due to strokes, COPD, etc.

All Dad wants is to go home
yet he is in his home.


Dad says:  "I want to go home"

Me: "Dad you are at home....look, here is the fireplace you and Mom built".

Dad:  "this is not my home....I want to go home".

Me: "We just want you to be comfortable"

Dad: "Then take me home"...."I just want to rest in my recliner"

On good days he says "My brain has been playing tricks on me"
I am thankful for the time with Dad but it is sad to see him suffer.

I have to wonder if he means his Heavenly Home
since Dad is so sure that he is not at home now??

I so appreciate all the thoughts and prayers!

25 comments:

Muffie said...

Kim, it's so sad to see our parents declining. Maybe your dad is thinking of his childhood home. Or maybe his mind plays tricks on him and he sees things differently. I hope he feels better soon.
Peace,
Muff

Birdie said...

He could also could be thinking of his childhood home. Next time he says he wants to go home try asking his questions about it. I hear this all the time after a stroke or dementia occurs. One thing that usually works is saying "I know you miss your home but could you stay here for the night? In the morning I can make some phone calls to see about getting you home"". (Only say that if he won't remember what you said.)
When women have strokes or have dementia often they look for their young children. "Why haven't they come home from school?" Instead of telling them their children are now grown I will say something like they went out to lunch with someone she knew well when she was young and they will be back after dinner.
Men often want to get up to go to work. For them I say that it is Sunday or that their boss called and the power is out and he will call when the power is back on.
I think the best thing is trying to figure out just where your dad is at. And most definitely he could be speaking of heaven. In which case just say that you must be looking forward to seeing your mom and dad or whoever.

Sandra said...

so sorry to hear this Kim, he might mean his home with his parents. when daddy lost his memory to Parkinson's and Dementia, he often talked like he was in his home with his parents, and talked to his brothers like they were teens. or like you said he could mean heaven. daddy would say Jesus please take me home

Joanne said...

I think you may be right. I Used to work with patients that had suffered strokes and one thing that we used to do was to play music from their younger days and show them old family albums. Or pictures of old movie stars. There were times that they would just light up with a feeling of recognition. You are loving him and trying to make him comfortable. You are a good Daughter and he must be a good Dad too. Prayers on their way.
Blessings, Joanne

Karen Mortensen said...

So sorry about your dad. It is good that you are there to comfort him. I think you are right.

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

Kim, that was my first thought when reading your post. This world is not our home, but a dropping off point till our heavenly father comes for us. I do feel for you and know first hand what its like to watch a family member go through this.

May GOD grant you peace in Jesus name and give you strength. Remembering you and your family in prayer.

Karen said...

Oh, Kim, I know this is a difficult time...praying for you and Karen...and the whole family...whichever home(s) your dad is thinking about right now, it is good that his loved ones are there to hold his hand and show their love...

Boondock Ma (Kim's Mom) said...

Kim, I'm so sorry. I know this has to be so difficult for you! I'm in tears now thinking what this must be like for you. I like the ideas Joanne threw out for you and hope you can find some comfort in the caring words of those here. I also pray both you and your father feel the loving arms of Jesus as He holds you during those tough times.

My Journey With Candida said...

It is so sad when our parents get older and act more like our children than our parents. It is so hard to watch them suffer and I hope he finds peace.

Hugs to you Kim!

The Elephant's Child said...

I am so sorry. Words cannot change this difficult time, but my thoughts are with you. Cyber hugs.

Are We There Yet! said...

It is very hard when we see our parents so confused. At least you are there for him when he needs you.

Becky said...

Oh so touching and hard. Haven't been through that stage quite yet.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I'm so sorry. I hope he finds some mental comfort.

sprinkles said...

My dad wasn't always of sound mind in his last days either. It was hard to watch him suffer like that. He knew he wasn't well, but I'm not sure how much he knew. Some days he didn't even recognize me. I definitely empathize with you.

Patrick said...

memory loss and/or mental confusion is tough to cope with, my thoughts are with you all.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

Dawn said...

Oh I am so glad he has you. And maybe he does think of heaven as home. I know I sure do!
hugs
Take care of you too.

Betsy Adams said...

OH how sad, Kim... It is truly hard and very sad to see our loved ones change mentally.. He truly might be thinking about his heavenly home. God Bless Your Daddy ---and God Bless YOU.
Hugs,
Betsy

fiftyodd said...

My dad passed away last month - on the other side of the world - so hard. But he was 95, blind and nearly completely deaf, and did not have Altzheimer's so he was terribly terribly bored and frustrated. It's never easy. And you miss them so much.

Deborah Ann said...

It's difficult to see our loved ones suffer. I wonder if your dad is referring to his real home in heaven? That would be a lovely though sad thought...

Crystal Mary said...

How frustrating it must be for him..Poor man. The last years of his life are a time when he should be able to relax and let others care for him. Tell him what a blessing he is to you and that every-time you do something for him, you are blessed..
then add, "Please let me be blessed dad." This way he will feel like he is doing something for you instead of you doing for him. xx

Helene said...

Thinking of you and sending prayers and strength your way. My mom fell during the week and, at age 96, I fear for the worst. Hugs!

Clare said...

Thinking and praying for you all.

Jerry E Beuterbaugh said...

Be assured that I want to go "home" much sooner than later, and I am quite sure that your dad and I are talking about the same place. I can certainly understand how hard that is to hear by those who will have to wait a little longer before being reunited with their loved ones, though.

Sextant said...

I went through the same thing with my mother. She insisted she wasn't home when in fact she was. It was amazing in one aspect, she would be complaining about wanting to go home, yet I watched her make a cup of instant coffee. Her body went through the same exact motions, as it had for years, knew exactly where the cups are, where the coffee was, the drawer with the spoons but she insisted she wasn't home. It is very sad, indeed.

I will keep both you and your father in my thoughts and prayers.

Becky Jane said...

Maybe you can ask him to describe what home looks like. And encourage him to talk about what he used to do at his home. He might be thinking of the home he grew up in, but Heaven is the best home for all of us. HUGS sweet friend, sorry you're having to go through this. One thing I learned is to not try and convince them otherwise. It just causes more frustration.

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