Wrestling With God - Guest Post

I saw this post at Confessions of a Snowflake.  It reminded me that we all wait, wondering why. 

So I am NOT the first to wait? 

I asked Alicia to do a guest post: 

Ok, I’ll just confess…

I do not like physical exercise.  

I don’t mind a good hike or walk.  But that’s about as much as I want to do.  

I’m completely overwhelmed by the thought of kickboxing or complicated dance steps. If you mention them to me, I’m likely to run in the opposite direction.

But this week I’m doing a different type of exercise.

I’m wrestling.

Nope, it’s not the rolling on the floor type.

Instead it’s the down on the knees type.

Last week I wrote about not being able to write because I was waiting.  This week I am still waiting.  But I am also wrestling.

Wrestling with thoughts

Wrestling with decisions

Wrestling with God’s will

I have strong emotions, opinions and feelings.  I’m disappointed about decisions that were made and the results.  And I am angry.

I thought I had dealt with all of this.  Apparently my Heavenly Father doesn't agree.  Over the last few days, He has confronted me with the true heart of the matter.  In return, I've wrestled.  I'm confused and hurt.  I don't understand.

I’ve confessed ugly thoughts in my prayer journal.  I’ve asked hard questions.  I am not proud of what I've said.  But it felt important.  It felt important to get it all out…to confess it...to deal with it.

I’m convinced that God can handle these emotions.  He created the world in six days.  He can handle my anger, my questions, my whys.

The Bible is filled with people asking God hard questions.

David asks in Psalm 13:1-2…

How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?

The book of Habakkuk starts much the same way…

How long, LORD, must I call for help,

   but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
   but you do not save?
Habakkuk 1:2

Then there’s the book of Lamentations.  The whole book details the devastation God has brought to the people of Israel.  Yet, in the midst of it are some of the most beautiful words in the Bible…

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

As a matter of fact, praising God is common among those who are questioning Him. At the end of chapter 13 David says, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

And Habakkuk proclaims…

Though the fig tree does not bud
   and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
   and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

So it is with me…

I will continue to wrestle with God.  I will continue to seek answers for hard questions.  I will continue to confess difficult emotions. 

I will also examine my heart.  I know it’s not in the right place.  But the pain, the hurt and the disappointment are deeply imbedded.  I'm not quite sure how to let go of them. 

I also know there is sin and unforgiveness that needs to be handled.  God and I are working on that too.  But that’s another post for another day.

In the meantime I will rejoice in the Lord.  I will sing His praises and I will trust in His unfailing love.  Because even though there are things I don’t understand, I do know that God loves me.  He has proven that to me time and time again.

And I will continue to wait. 

I will wait on God to continue cleansing my heart.  I will wait on Him to reveal His plan.  I will wait on His answers.

Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.  Psalm 27:14

What about you my friend?  Have you wrestled with God?

Thank you, Kim for letting me be a guest poster on your blog today.  I pray that my words of wrestling would be an encouragement to you and your readers.