Friday, January 14, 2011

Wrestling With God - Guest Post

I saw this post at Confessions of a Snowflake.  It reminded me that we all wait, wondering why. 

So I am NOT the first to wait? 

I asked Alicia to do a guest post: 

Ok, I’ll just confess…

I do not like physical exercise.  

I don’t mind a good hike or walk.  But that’s about as much as I want to do.  

I’m completely overwhelmed by the thought of kickboxing or complicated dance steps. If you mention them to me, I’m likely to run in the opposite direction.

But this week I’m doing a different type of exercise.

I’m wrestling.

Nope, it’s not the rolling on the floor type.

Instead it’s the down on the knees type.

Last week I wrote about not being able to write because I was waiting.  This week I am still waiting.  But I am also wrestling.

Wrestling with thoughts

Wrestling with decisions

Wrestling with God’s will

I have strong emotions, opinions and feelings.  I’m disappointed about decisions that were made and the results.  And I am angry.

I thought I had dealt with all of this.  Apparently my Heavenly Father doesn't agree.  Over the last few days, He has confronted me with the true heart of the matter.  In return, I've wrestled.  I'm confused and hurt.  I don't understand.

I’ve confessed ugly thoughts in my prayer journal.  I’ve asked hard questions.  I am not proud of what I've said.  But it felt important.  It felt important to get it all out…to confess it...to deal with it.

I’m convinced that God can handle these emotions.  He created the world in six days.  He can handle my anger, my questions, my whys.

The Bible is filled with people asking God hard questions.

David asks in Psalm 13:1-2…
How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
   How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
   and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
   How long will my enemy triumph over me?

The book of Habakkuk starts much the same way…

How long, LORD, must I call for help,
   but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!”
   but you do not save?
Habakkuk 1:2

Then there’s the book of Lamentations.  The whole book details the devastation God has brought to the people of Israel.  Yet, in the midst of it are some of the most beautiful words in the Bible…

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
   therefore I will wait for him.”

As a matter of fact, praising God is common among those who are questioning Him. At the end of chapter 13 David says, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

And Habakkuk proclaims…

Though the fig tree does not bud
   and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
   and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:17-18

So it is with me…

I will continue to wrestle with God.  I will continue to seek answers for hard questions.  I will continue to confess difficult emotions. 

I will also examine my heart.  I know it’s not in the right place.  But the pain, the hurt and the disappointment are deeply imbedded.  I'm not quite sure how to let go of them. 

I also know there is sin and unforgiveness that needs to be handled.  God and I are working on that too.  But that’s another post for another day.

In the meantime I will rejoice in the Lord.  I will sing His praises and I will trust in His unfailing love.  Because even though there are things I don’t understand, I do know that God loves me.  He has proven that to me time and time again.

And I will continue to wait. 

I will wait on God to continue cleansing my heart.  I will wait on Him to reveal His plan.  I will wait on His answers.

Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD.  Psalm 27:14

What about you my friend?  Have you wrestled with God?

Thank you, Kim for letting me be a guest poster on your blog today.  I pray that my words of wrestling would be an encouragement to you and your readers.
 

13 comments:

LisaShaw said...

I read this too yesterday at Alecia's and replied to her. It blessed me so much! Thanks for sharing!

Blessings to you in your walk with the LORD.

LisaShaw said...

p.s. thanks for your warm words on my pro-life/post abortive healing blog as well. Hugs!

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi Kim,

Very inspiring post.It made me sit up and think.

Who doesn't wrestle with the will of God.All of us want good things in life,full of fun,full of entertainment,full happiness,abundant health, prosperity,success,fame and name.

If we don't get what we want we start fighting with God.We become stubborn,disobedient,discordant, demanding,disillusioned,
disappointed with God.

God knows what is best for us and we should have implicit faith and trust in HIM and HIS mercy.

Great post Kim and congratulations to Alecia for this magnificent writing.
Joseph

A.Marie said...

Great Post! I appreciate the encouraging words! :)

Ginny said...

Yes, we need to find things and be thankful to God for them even in the worst of times. Though that can be very hard. "I wait on the Lord, my soul waits..."

Ginny said...

We need to find things to pray to be thankful for even through the very bad times. that can be very hard, though. "I wait on the Lord, my soul waits

Tracy said...

Oh my goodness, I have had more than my share of wrestling with God and I can assure you it wasn't pretty. I too think God can handle my anger for sure.
I wonder how much of her thoughts are your thoughts and can only pray that if they are, you find comfort and a peace with God. I know in each of my battles with him, ultimately things happen for a reason and I certainly am not privvy to those happenings so I must trust in HIM. So I throw my temper tantrum and pout and then turn it over to Him.
Thank you very much...I was actually just having this conversation with another blogger so it must be something we are being forced to address.

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

I'm going to pray for both you girls, too. I love this honest conversation with God! It felt cleansing. :)

Alicia The Snowflake said...

Thanks again for hosting me, Kim! May you have a blessed weekend!

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Great post, Kim--and thanks to Alecia.... I think all of us, even those of us who have a strong faith, wrestle with God at one time or another... God never gives us more than we can handle--but sometimes, it seems as if we do have to deal with more than we can handle... That's when the wrestling begins.... I think that's just human --and I truly believe that God loves us just as much when we are wrestling....

Hugs,
Betsy

Jasmine said...

Great post, Kim. Thank you so much for sharing with us. Very thought provoking.

Diane J Standiford said...

This type of wrestling is healthy for the body AND soul. We all do it. (I hope.)

Siobhan said...

"Because even though there are things I don’t understand, I do know that God loves me. "

That spoke to me!

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